I just can't believe my good fortune with this shot. It was too perfect.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
SOPO Bike Co-Op Premiere Party
If you haven't heard of SOPO, you're missing out. Not being an avid bike person myself, I was reluctant to check it out, but after 1 visit I wanted to buy a frame and start building a bike. I even borrowed a bike from John and RODE a bike. Those of you who don't know me wouldn't know the signifigance of this, but it's HUGE. I have been pretty hesitant to bike since the last crash when I was younger. SOPO brought back that itch to get on a bike and ride anywhere.
Sopo Bikes is a great thing in Atlanta, so everyone should come out this Saturday to The Graveyard to see the premiere of their newest venture. It's TV show called This Bike Could Be Your Life. The illustrations I've seen look incredible. Live Bands, contests, and dancing will ensue after the premiere.
John and I have a b-day party to go to but we will be heading over as soon as we can after that.
Support and Donate. Or I will get you. :)
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I'm too old to Babysit for kids I don't love....
OK kids, I'm done. I'm too old and too over this to watch you anymore.
I have been babysitting a long time, and have taken on a lot of trying children that through basic techniques have improved by my being there. Not anything drastic and life altering, but significantly enough for parents to have mentioned it to me. I've had many parents recommend me to other families as someone who won't just watch your kids, but become a positive influence in their lives. I have loved children and working with them for a long time, and find a great satisfaction and joy from it, until now.
The children I most recently took on are spoiled and manipulative. Their parents are rich, affluent, and mannered. Their kids are two of the brattiest kids I have ever watched. They scream and cry for no reason, no, correction, because they want their way and think I will give in if they cry. GUESS WHAT? I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday! I know your games, hell, I perfected your games as a kid, but at least I was a lovable brat, who knew when it was time to give up. They never say anything to me when I arrive, barely talk to me except to tell me what to do, or ask me the EXACT same inane questions over and over, never satisfied with the response. They treat me like a slave to whatever they want, with no real worth (at 3 and 4 mind you!) or value to them otherwise. They argue and try to lie to me and manipulate me at every turn. It's beyond disgusting at this point.
Look, I get it, kids are kids. This goes way beyond the allowable amount of "kid" behavior. I know their deal, and it's not their fault, but that doesn't mean I have to fix them. Their mother is bossed around and controlled by her husband, who is fairly absent in an emotional sense. All I ever hear him do is bark orders at the kids, or his wife to "handle" them. It's obvious these girls (yes, 2 girls) are craving some sort of disciplinary stability. They are shoved all of these "things" to do rather than just letting me interact with the girls and find my own way. I have never once had to make any kind of decision about anything there. Their parents regulate it all. Their mother gives in to the girls at the slightest bit of resistance, e.g. "*Susy*, no more juice before bed! I mean it!" "But mom I'm thirsty, I want juice!" "Oh OK, just one more glass." Over and over and over again, about everything.
I try not to judge people, I try not to make assumptions, but after being around them for several months, I just don't see it any other way. I tried in the beginning to be understanding, and make allowances, but this is ridiculous. This isn't terrible two's or three's. This isn't a fight for independence. This is absent parenting at its finest. I hope they figure this out before these girls get much older, otherwise they are in for a rough ride for the next 15 years. I pity the girls in a sense, but they are such brats, it can make it really hard. I do try though.
So finally, after many nights of coming home exhausted and beaten down by a worthless fight to help these poor girls, I gave up. I told their parents I couldn't watch them anymore, and that's that. I have never left a babysitting job before, and I hate to do it, but sometimes you have to watch out for your own well-being.
I hope no one is offended by my outspokenness. I really do try to be as non-judgemental as possible about child rearing, as I do not have children of my own. I do however know some AMAZING parents, in all walks of life, with children of all ages, faced with way more trying circumstances than here. I think everyone will relate to the story here, and the underlying issues it brings up.
I have been babysitting a long time, and have taken on a lot of trying children that through basic techniques have improved by my being there. Not anything drastic and life altering, but significantly enough for parents to have mentioned it to me. I've had many parents recommend me to other families as someone who won't just watch your kids, but become a positive influence in their lives. I have loved children and working with them for a long time, and find a great satisfaction and joy from it, until now.
The children I most recently took on are spoiled and manipulative. Their parents are rich, affluent, and mannered. Their kids are two of the brattiest kids I have ever watched. They scream and cry for no reason, no, correction, because they want their way and think I will give in if they cry. GUESS WHAT? I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday! I know your games, hell, I perfected your games as a kid, but at least I was a lovable brat, who knew when it was time to give up. They never say anything to me when I arrive, barely talk to me except to tell me what to do, or ask me the EXACT same inane questions over and over, never satisfied with the response. They treat me like a slave to whatever they want, with no real worth (at 3 and 4 mind you!) or value to them otherwise. They argue and try to lie to me and manipulate me at every turn. It's beyond disgusting at this point.
Look, I get it, kids are kids. This goes way beyond the allowable amount of "kid" behavior. I know their deal, and it's not their fault, but that doesn't mean I have to fix them. Their mother is bossed around and controlled by her husband, who is fairly absent in an emotional sense. All I ever hear him do is bark orders at the kids, or his wife to "handle" them. It's obvious these girls (yes, 2 girls) are craving some sort of disciplinary stability. They are shoved all of these "things" to do rather than just letting me interact with the girls and find my own way. I have never once had to make any kind of decision about anything there. Their parents regulate it all. Their mother gives in to the girls at the slightest bit of resistance, e.g. "*Susy*, no more juice before bed! I mean it!" "But mom I'm thirsty, I want juice!" "Oh OK, just one more glass." Over and over and over again, about everything.
I try not to judge people, I try not to make assumptions, but after being around them for several months, I just don't see it any other way. I tried in the beginning to be understanding, and make allowances, but this is ridiculous. This isn't terrible two's or three's. This isn't a fight for independence. This is absent parenting at its finest. I hope they figure this out before these girls get much older, otherwise they are in for a rough ride for the next 15 years. I pity the girls in a sense, but they are such brats, it can make it really hard. I do try though.
So finally, after many nights of coming home exhausted and beaten down by a worthless fight to help these poor girls, I gave up. I told their parents I couldn't watch them anymore, and that's that. I have never left a babysitting job before, and I hate to do it, but sometimes you have to watch out for your own well-being.
I hope no one is offended by my outspokenness. I really do try to be as non-judgemental as possible about child rearing, as I do not have children of my own. I do however know some AMAZING parents, in all walks of life, with children of all ages, faced with way more trying circumstances than here. I think everyone will relate to the story here, and the underlying issues it brings up.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Blogging around Town!
Hello All!
First off, sorry the blog has been lacking since I started, but that is about to change.
I just started Guest Blogging on Weddiquette Blog . It will be a monthly thing until John and I get hitched! Check out the first post here . So check that out whenever you can!
Also, without giving too much away, be on the lookout for a BRAND SPANKIN NEW blog in the coming months. It's sorta-kinda a secret, but let's just say, if you've read my info on Twitter, there's a hint in there. I'm really excited to get started on this one and am hoping it can be a permanent fixture for me!
Other than that there's not much to report. We got a new apartment in Midtown, and an awsome cat named Samson, but more on that later! That's all for now. Keep your eyes open for new developments soon!
First off, sorry the blog has been lacking since I started, but that is about to change.
I just started Guest Blogging on Weddiquette Blog . It will be a monthly thing until John and I get hitched! Check out the first post here . So check that out whenever you can!
Also, without giving too much away, be on the lookout for a BRAND SPANKIN NEW blog in the coming months. It's sorta-kinda a secret, but let's just say, if you've read my info on Twitter, there's a hint in there. I'm really excited to get started on this one and am hoping it can be a permanent fixture for me!
Other than that there's not much to report. We got a new apartment in Midtown, and an awsome cat named Samson, but more on that later! That's all for now. Keep your eyes open for new developments soon!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Updates
So... Yeah, it's been a while, I've been lazy.
Here are the most recent updates in the life:
-Got in a pretty awful wreck, nearly totalled my car. Ended up with 9 staples in my head and a lot of sleep, pain, and subsequently, pain killers.
-Car NOT totalled, Dad helped with that. Got a VW Beetle as a rental paid for by my insurance company! It really does pay to spend the money on good insurance.
-John and I hit the 1 year mark May 5th! It seems like yesterday I was drunk, and sick, and driven home in my own car, ahhh...memories... We are going camping in the Blue Ridge near Carter's Lake for the weekend to celebrate. So excited!
-Most likely taking a 1 day road trip to Chicago to see The Smoking Popes play their new album release show! Way excited about that too.
-Exploring where I want to go next in my life, job, etc. Book critic, author, artist? Too many decisions!
- John and I are searching for a new place to move in July. Somewhere relatively near where we are now, but not too expensive. We'll see how that goes!
Well, that's about all the highlights for now! If you are in the Atlanta area this Saturday night you are ORDERED to come out to Lenny's to see the best local band you could ever imagine 5-8 play! They have been around for nearly 20+ years and they will melt your face!
Here are the most recent updates in the life:
-Got in a pretty awful wreck, nearly totalled my car. Ended up with 9 staples in my head and a lot of sleep, pain, and subsequently, pain killers.
-Car NOT totalled, Dad helped with that. Got a VW Beetle as a rental paid for by my insurance company! It really does pay to spend the money on good insurance.
-John and I hit the 1 year mark May 5th! It seems like yesterday I was drunk, and sick, and driven home in my own car, ahhh...memories... We are going camping in the Blue Ridge near Carter's Lake for the weekend to celebrate. So excited!
-Most likely taking a 1 day road trip to Chicago to see The Smoking Popes play their new album release show! Way excited about that too.
-Exploring where I want to go next in my life, job, etc. Book critic, author, artist? Too many decisions!
- John and I are searching for a new place to move in July. Somewhere relatively near where we are now, but not too expensive. We'll see how that goes!
Well, that's about all the highlights for now! If you are in the Atlanta area this Saturday night you are ORDERED to come out to Lenny's to see the best local band you could ever imagine 5-8 play! They have been around for nearly 20+ years and they will melt your face!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
A message to the 6 most important people in my life....
A message to 6 people, a message I can't say:
1) I have always wanted to be accepted by you. I have always wanted you to be my friend. It's hard to know someone so well, and yet feel so distant from them. I wish we had made an effort before now. I love you, you are one of my favorite people of all time. I miss you, and to some extent I really do need you in my life.
2)You are amazing, I admire you so much. Since the day you were born there was always something different and extraordinary about you. I have always been grateful for our friendship, and I don't want to lose that. I want to offer what you need from me. Sometimes this role is harder than it seems. Just don't stop loving me the way we have always loved eachother. You're on my list of favorite people and always will be.
3)There are so many things I want to say to you. In so many ways I owe you everything, but its time I made myself happy. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted for yourself in your life, but doesn't that show you? Shouldn't I be allowed to make my own decisions now. I value your opinion and your acceptance more than you will ever know, but when the fundamentals of our beliefs differ, it can be hard to look to you without receiving partial advice. You have always been there for me, even recently. Maybe I don't take responsibility for what I have to overcome enough, but maybe you don't either? I need unconditional love, not judgement. I need you to accept me now for who I am and stop hoping for something different. You held us all together over the years. Hold yourself together now. I love you and I see the unhappiness in your face. When does that become your responsibility? I wish something I could do would fill that void, but it won't, I learned that long ago.
4) You have always been there to take care of us, you have always come through when it came down to the wire. You work too hard, and sleep too little. I want to make things better for you. One day I will. I wish you were more present in everything. I wish you didn't lose your voice like I do sometimes. It can be hard to speak what you need to, I know, but you can only really be happy when you are able to express what is at the heart of it all. Don't bottle it all up. I know too well how you feel. We are so alike in so many ways, and as I grow up, I see in you things that I know I have to change before I end up stuck. Don't stay stuck. You have plenty of time to make things better for yourself. Don't waste it. I love you.
5) It feels like a lifetime I have known you. I still can't believe that a forced friendship such as ours has become this. You are the sister I always wanted, and the pain in my ass I never knew I could miss. I wish things had been different sometimes, but only because maybe then it would have been easier for you the last year. I know you are confused, and I know it's hard to figure out what you really want from life. I know because I've been there, and I never wanted that for you. I'm glad you are growing up and making your own decisions. Just be careful you don't make a decision that changes your whole life permanently until you know what you want. I miss you a lot actually. I got used to what we had. I guess we both thought things would be different when we were both here, but that's the surprising thing about life, you never know. Just don't forget me, I'm always here if you need me. I love you, you crazy ass bitch.
6)You are everything I needed and everything I searched for for so long. I never knew I would meet someone at 20 that changed my world so much. The past year has been so amazing. You have helped me grow and learn so much. You accepted who I was and loved that when it felt like no one else did. You never hesitate to be honest with me. Your passion for what you love, and your ability to be so driven is something I truly admire. You have pushed me to realize my dreams. You have always believed in me when I didn't, and always supported me. You have become my best friend, and I could never invent someone better. Since we met I have been in awe of how I could have managed to get such a gorgeous, smart, wonderfully funny man to fall in love with me. I love being able to be a part of your life. You make every minute meaningful and fun. I have never laughed or had so much fun with someone in my whole life. I love you more than I am able to express, and I want to make you happier than you could ever be. Baby-love, we will have a wonderful life together.
1) I have always wanted to be accepted by you. I have always wanted you to be my friend. It's hard to know someone so well, and yet feel so distant from them. I wish we had made an effort before now. I love you, you are one of my favorite people of all time. I miss you, and to some extent I really do need you in my life.
2)You are amazing, I admire you so much. Since the day you were born there was always something different and extraordinary about you. I have always been grateful for our friendship, and I don't want to lose that. I want to offer what you need from me. Sometimes this role is harder than it seems. Just don't stop loving me the way we have always loved eachother. You're on my list of favorite people and always will be.
3)There are so many things I want to say to you. In so many ways I owe you everything, but its time I made myself happy. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted for yourself in your life, but doesn't that show you? Shouldn't I be allowed to make my own decisions now. I value your opinion and your acceptance more than you will ever know, but when the fundamentals of our beliefs differ, it can be hard to look to you without receiving partial advice. You have always been there for me, even recently. Maybe I don't take responsibility for what I have to overcome enough, but maybe you don't either? I need unconditional love, not judgement. I need you to accept me now for who I am and stop hoping for something different. You held us all together over the years. Hold yourself together now. I love you and I see the unhappiness in your face. When does that become your responsibility? I wish something I could do would fill that void, but it won't, I learned that long ago.
4) You have always been there to take care of us, you have always come through when it came down to the wire. You work too hard, and sleep too little. I want to make things better for you. One day I will. I wish you were more present in everything. I wish you didn't lose your voice like I do sometimes. It can be hard to speak what you need to, I know, but you can only really be happy when you are able to express what is at the heart of it all. Don't bottle it all up. I know too well how you feel. We are so alike in so many ways, and as I grow up, I see in you things that I know I have to change before I end up stuck. Don't stay stuck. You have plenty of time to make things better for yourself. Don't waste it. I love you.
5) It feels like a lifetime I have known you. I still can't believe that a forced friendship such as ours has become this. You are the sister I always wanted, and the pain in my ass I never knew I could miss. I wish things had been different sometimes, but only because maybe then it would have been easier for you the last year. I know you are confused, and I know it's hard to figure out what you really want from life. I know because I've been there, and I never wanted that for you. I'm glad you are growing up and making your own decisions. Just be careful you don't make a decision that changes your whole life permanently until you know what you want. I miss you a lot actually. I got used to what we had. I guess we both thought things would be different when we were both here, but that's the surprising thing about life, you never know. Just don't forget me, I'm always here if you need me. I love you, you crazy ass bitch.
6)You are everything I needed and everything I searched for for so long. I never knew I would meet someone at 20 that changed my world so much. The past year has been so amazing. You have helped me grow and learn so much. You accepted who I was and loved that when it felt like no one else did. You never hesitate to be honest with me. Your passion for what you love, and your ability to be so driven is something I truly admire. You have pushed me to realize my dreams. You have always believed in me when I didn't, and always supported me. You have become my best friend, and I could never invent someone better. Since we met I have been in awe of how I could have managed to get such a gorgeous, smart, wonderfully funny man to fall in love with me. I love being able to be a part of your life. You make every minute meaningful and fun. I have never laughed or had so much fun with someone in my whole life. I love you more than I am able to express, and I want to make you happier than you could ever be. Baby-love, we will have a wonderful life together.
Friday, February 29, 2008
5 Things To Know This Friday
1) Legitimate pay rapes you of money.
2)People paying a high price for a product expect you to shoot the shit with them for as long as they want.
3)Being responsible is overrated.
4)People are actually stupid enough to ask, " Does the white bean with lamb have lamb in it?"
AND FINALLY
5) It's beer friday at work and I am buzzed enough to post this dumb blog.
Thank you and good night...
2)People paying a high price for a product expect you to shoot the shit with them for as long as they want.
3)Being responsible is overrated.
4)People are actually stupid enough to ask, " Does the white bean with lamb have lamb in it?"
AND FINALLY
5) It's beer friday at work and I am buzzed enough to post this dumb blog.
Thank you and good night...
Friday, February 15, 2008
Closure
My ex-boyfriend of 2 years recently contacted me to apologize. When I replied to say that I forgave him for the abuse, the manipulation, and the misery, that I was happy and engaged to a man I loved and it was everything that happened that led me to the love of my life, he replied with this. Keep in mind he is very religious, as I formerly was, and sees me as a sinner based on my ex-communication from the church. These are the words of a sick person:
"I'm sorry. I was unaware that you were in such blatant opposition to Jehovah. And I don't deserve any credit in the least for your current status. I find it disgusting that you would thank me for that. You were headed that way long before I met you. I'm sure that John is a great guy. But you know that, without Jehovah in the relationship, whatever level of happiness you believe you've obtained is temporary at best. It's not real. If ours wasn't proof of that, then I don't know what is.
I don't think I'm saying anything that you don't already know. But for someone with so much capability for good, I really can't believe that you could do this to Jehovah and your family. Especially****. He's such a great kid. I've heard nothing but good things about him recently. But I know that he's hurting. And he really could use the big sister that everyone knows that you could be. Anyway, as I said to begin with, this wasn't supposed to be a dialogue. I believe my compulsion for writing you to be a noble one. And I must not have made it clear that I didn't want or require a response. You have my prayers, as well as those of countless others. This is the last you'll hear from me. Gabriella, come back to Jehovah. There's nothing out there.
Ryan"
and my reply, after much thought was:
"You have not changed one bit. It wasn't the seizures that made you a jerk, that's just who you are Ryan. I am only writing this to tell you two things. One, that my family does not need nor WANT your sympathy ever. They have hated you since the day they met you, and with good reason. I think they would rather rip their eyes out then ever see, talk, or hear from you. If you EVER contact them in any way be prepared for the consequences of your actions. It's bad enough what they had to go through with our "relationship". And two, who are you to even presume you know anything about me or my happiness. We didn't work out because you are a bi polar psycho that continually abused, manipulated, and broke me down so that you could control me and keep me in a situation I NEVER wanted to be in. Maybe you will never accept it, but EVERYONE knows the truth, EVERYONE saw the truth. "god" had nothing to do with that. It doesn't matter what people think of me now, they know what you are, and if they don't, I'm sorry that they are fooled by you. I replied to you simply to let you know that REGARDLESS of what you put me through I am happy and content with who i am and where i am in my life. Leave it to you to let the self righteous prick you are out when you find out that I am no longer available, in addition to being happy and unaffected by you. I wonder if you will ever accept what you are?
ABSOLUTELY NEVER CONTACT ME OR MY FAMILY AGAIN IN ANY WAY. "
You are not worthy of a name,
I am done with your manipulation, your negativity, your overall evilness.
That's the end of our dysfunctional bullshit. If you ever read this, you asshole, you will never escape what you do to people. One day it will come back to you ten fold, but until then, I am done with you. I no longer have anything but apathy towards what happened, what you did to me. I am done. And that is the end of that chapter of my life.
I needed closure, but to speak to him makes bile come into my throat. To think I was controlled for so long by someone so obviously beneath me in character and overall being, it disgusts me. I am done with it all, I am done being angry. I am done trying to get across to him that I have moved on. I will be happy and prosperous despite what he did. That is the best and only revenge I need.
"I'm sorry. I was unaware that you were in such blatant opposition to Jehovah. And I don't deserve any credit in the least for your current status. I find it disgusting that you would thank me for that. You were headed that way long before I met you. I'm sure that John is a great guy. But you know that, without Jehovah in the relationship, whatever level of happiness you believe you've obtained is temporary at best. It's not real. If ours wasn't proof of that, then I don't know what is.
I don't think I'm saying anything that you don't already know. But for someone with so much capability for good, I really can't believe that you could do this to Jehovah and your family. Especially****. He's such a great kid. I've heard nothing but good things about him recently. But I know that he's hurting. And he really could use the big sister that everyone knows that you could be. Anyway, as I said to begin with, this wasn't supposed to be a dialogue. I believe my compulsion for writing you to be a noble one. And I must not have made it clear that I didn't want or require a response. You have my prayers, as well as those of countless others. This is the last you'll hear from me. Gabriella, come back to Jehovah. There's nothing out there.
Ryan"
and my reply, after much thought was:
"You have not changed one bit. It wasn't the seizures that made you a jerk, that's just who you are Ryan. I am only writing this to tell you two things. One, that my family does not need nor WANT your sympathy ever. They have hated you since the day they met you, and with good reason. I think they would rather rip their eyes out then ever see, talk, or hear from you. If you EVER contact them in any way be prepared for the consequences of your actions. It's bad enough what they had to go through with our "relationship". And two, who are you to even presume you know anything about me or my happiness. We didn't work out because you are a bi polar psycho that continually abused, manipulated, and broke me down so that you could control me and keep me in a situation I NEVER wanted to be in. Maybe you will never accept it, but EVERYONE knows the truth, EVERYONE saw the truth. "god" had nothing to do with that. It doesn't matter what people think of me now, they know what you are, and if they don't, I'm sorry that they are fooled by you. I replied to you simply to let you know that REGARDLESS of what you put me through I am happy and content with who i am and where i am in my life. Leave it to you to let the self righteous prick you are out when you find out that I am no longer available, in addition to being happy and unaffected by you. I wonder if you will ever accept what you are?
ABSOLUTELY NEVER CONTACT ME OR MY FAMILY AGAIN IN ANY WAY. "
You are not worthy of a name,
I am done with your manipulation, your negativity, your overall evilness.
That's the end of our dysfunctional bullshit. If you ever read this, you asshole, you will never escape what you do to people. One day it will come back to you ten fold, but until then, I am done with you. I no longer have anything but apathy towards what happened, what you did to me. I am done. And that is the end of that chapter of my life.
I needed closure, but to speak to him makes bile come into my throat. To think I was controlled for so long by someone so obviously beneath me in character and overall being, it disgusts me. I am done with it all, I am done being angry. I am done trying to get across to him that I have moved on. I will be happy and prosperous despite what he did. That is the best and only revenge I need.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Georgia is my schizo cousin
So many people come to Georgia and talk about how great the weather is, how the seasons are so mild, etc. I beg to differ. As a native Georgian, can I just say, Georgia needs to be on some serious meds when it comes to the weather. Georgia has the most up and down all over the place weather of anywhere I can think of. It is impossible to buy, wear, or prepare clothes for a specific season. It can be beautiful at a crisp and clear 70 degrees when you go to sleep, only to wake up to 13 degrees and snow. Georgia is that crazy cousin that promises they're doing better this time and then steals your T.V. while you're sleeping.
Shopping for clothes is a nightmare in Georgia. It is only practical to buy as may options as possible of any one thing; Like the color on that shirt? Better get it in long sleeve, short sleeve, a sweater, a tank top, and throw in a jacket just in case. Layers are the only way to live in Georgia and be somewhat comfortable. I can't even count how many times I have come home from work to the words, "Did you change before you came home?" No, I didn't. I just shred, added, whittled down, and built up clothes, over and over and over again. If you don't wear 4 shirts, tights, jeans, a hat, and a scarf during the winter, all removable mind you, you will either end up freezing or sweating.
Don't get me started on summer. Sweltering heat and humidity one day, crisp breeze 70 degrees and sunny another. Shorts and halter top or a nice tee and jeans, who knows what Georgia will throw my way today. I swear I could walk out of the house in a bathing suit in the morning and come home in a parka by the afternoon, only to whittle down to a skirt and tank top by nightfall.
Come on Georgia, use that medicare card and get to the doctor! I need consistency! I want to know it's cold in the winter, hot in the summer, breezy and crisp in autumn, and pretty and damp in the spring. I beg of you take your meds Georgia! I can't afford for your mood swings anymore!
Shopping for clothes is a nightmare in Georgia. It is only practical to buy as may options as possible of any one thing; Like the color on that shirt? Better get it in long sleeve, short sleeve, a sweater, a tank top, and throw in a jacket just in case. Layers are the only way to live in Georgia and be somewhat comfortable. I can't even count how many times I have come home from work to the words, "Did you change before you came home?" No, I didn't. I just shred, added, whittled down, and built up clothes, over and over and over again. If you don't wear 4 shirts, tights, jeans, a hat, and a scarf during the winter, all removable mind you, you will either end up freezing or sweating.
Don't get me started on summer. Sweltering heat and humidity one day, crisp breeze 70 degrees and sunny another. Shorts and halter top or a nice tee and jeans, who knows what Georgia will throw my way today. I swear I could walk out of the house in a bathing suit in the morning and come home in a parka by the afternoon, only to whittle down to a skirt and tank top by nightfall.
Come on Georgia, use that medicare card and get to the doctor! I need consistency! I want to know it's cold in the winter, hot in the summer, breezy and crisp in autumn, and pretty and damp in the spring. I beg of you take your meds Georgia! I can't afford for your mood swings anymore!
Monday, January 28, 2008
What happens when you can finally say it out loud?
Growing up in a Christian household, not a lot is left up to your sole decision making. Most decisions are heavily discussed, whether it be with God via prayer, or you elders (parents, pastors, etc). Each decision is pulled apart limb for limb and autopsied at length to see what the possible cause of death might be. Nothing is for certain in a world with God. Every move and side-step could throw you into the path of his anger. Confusing as it was growing up, it did instill in me a force of nature that cannot be reckoned with. I have been determined from a very young age to make my own decisions no matter what everyone else thought or tried to force me to think. Granted I have fallen into submission at times, but generally I was my sole reason for decision making, even when my logic was flawed.
After years of following doctrines and rules while still endeavoring to maintain my individual thoughts and morals, I was forced into a choice I was not ready to make. Actions and situations on my part put me in arduous meetings with officials at my church, analyzing every wrong step, every word, deed, and thought that brought me to my "sin". Not only was I forced to humiliate myself by relaying personal and very heartbreaking details of a relationship that ruled and changed my identity and life, and not for the better by any means, for close to 2 years, but I was degraded to then explain why I thought I had LET it all happen. Finally after hours of interrogation and even more hours of waiting for deliberations to end, I was informed that I would no longer be recognized as a part of the church. It's frustrating enough as it is to be controlled and manipulated for 2 years, but to then have an identity I had clung to for my entire life ripped from me by someone else, it was unbelievable. I did what I could to appeal the decision, but even then, with begging and pleading and many tears, nothing changed.
I struggled for quite a while with the implications of everything that would change in the week following the decision. With a tinge of bitterness, I told my closest friends that in a week they would not be able to speak to me, or be a part of my life until I was deemed acceptable enough to be part of the church again. We spent the last week we had trying to enjoy our time together, but there was no handbook for how to end a friendship in that way. When the night came, we all tried to pretend like we would be ok, but it was in the air from the moment I entered the building. By a strange turn of events, a close friend I had grown up with was also being announced as no longer part of the church that night. We tried to form some kind of solidarity in our situations, but it was impossible to. When the announcement was made, I tried to hold it together, but after a few minutes of crying uncontrollably, I walked out of the church I had grown up in, the place I had come to see as a safe haven for love and acceptance in my life, and was never able to enter the doors again without a sense of betrayal.
The months following were intensely isolated for me. Even living with my parents and my brothers, our relationship as a family had to change based on the church doctrines. At first I kept to myself, spending most of my time working. I kept in touch with very few people by very limited means, including an ex-boyfriend who declared his love for me right before I was ex-communicated and my best friend. When work slowed down, and I was in need of companionship, I reconnected with old friends from school, but even then the friends I had left behind haunted me. After some time I would be presented with the opportunity to be accepted in the church again granted I had proven myself repentant of the sins I had committed, and those elders that had deemed me unrepentant, saw acceptable change in my heart. At first, the opportunity to be a part of the church again was the only thing making the days pass, and the loneliness bearable, but then things changed. I started to question my motives for wanting to return; Was I craving the companionship of God or the companionship of my peers? Did I miss my spiritual life, or the life I used to have? Was I religious or just lonely? Was God real to me, or an excuse to have a purpose in life? Was it my own happiness I was seeking or the happiness of my family and friends?
The answers to these questions and the continued tensions between my parents and I because of my indecision led to my determined decision to leave home. I needed to be on my own to really know what I wanted from life, away from the pressure and influence of my family. After months of debating, fighting and creating relationships with new people, I left home. As I packed my things into boxes and loaded them onto a truck, I knew I was making the right decision. I felt free of the weight of everyone else's unhappiness and able to really breathe on my own. It was then that I realized, I had always been who I wanted to be. It was the doctrines and morals surrounding me that forced me to bend who I was to be accepted. Once all of that was lifted, I was able to really embrace the identity I had been hiding for my entire life. After years of questioning my intentions, thoughts, and decisions I finally had grown up enough to know who I was and be courageous enough to accept it despite the consequences. It was then that things became clear, and God was no longer real.
After years of following doctrines and rules while still endeavoring to maintain my individual thoughts and morals, I was forced into a choice I was not ready to make. Actions and situations on my part put me in arduous meetings with officials at my church, analyzing every wrong step, every word, deed, and thought that brought me to my "sin". Not only was I forced to humiliate myself by relaying personal and very heartbreaking details of a relationship that ruled and changed my identity and life, and not for the better by any means, for close to 2 years, but I was degraded to then explain why I thought I had LET it all happen. Finally after hours of interrogation and even more hours of waiting for deliberations to end, I was informed that I would no longer be recognized as a part of the church. It's frustrating enough as it is to be controlled and manipulated for 2 years, but to then have an identity I had clung to for my entire life ripped from me by someone else, it was unbelievable. I did what I could to appeal the decision, but even then, with begging and pleading and many tears, nothing changed.
I struggled for quite a while with the implications of everything that would change in the week following the decision. With a tinge of bitterness, I told my closest friends that in a week they would not be able to speak to me, or be a part of my life until I was deemed acceptable enough to be part of the church again. We spent the last week we had trying to enjoy our time together, but there was no handbook for how to end a friendship in that way. When the night came, we all tried to pretend like we would be ok, but it was in the air from the moment I entered the building. By a strange turn of events, a close friend I had grown up with was also being announced as no longer part of the church that night. We tried to form some kind of solidarity in our situations, but it was impossible to. When the announcement was made, I tried to hold it together, but after a few minutes of crying uncontrollably, I walked out of the church I had grown up in, the place I had come to see as a safe haven for love and acceptance in my life, and was never able to enter the doors again without a sense of betrayal.
The months following were intensely isolated for me. Even living with my parents and my brothers, our relationship as a family had to change based on the church doctrines. At first I kept to myself, spending most of my time working. I kept in touch with very few people by very limited means, including an ex-boyfriend who declared his love for me right before I was ex-communicated and my best friend. When work slowed down, and I was in need of companionship, I reconnected with old friends from school, but even then the friends I had left behind haunted me. After some time I would be presented with the opportunity to be accepted in the church again granted I had proven myself repentant of the sins I had committed, and those elders that had deemed me unrepentant, saw acceptable change in my heart. At first, the opportunity to be a part of the church again was the only thing making the days pass, and the loneliness bearable, but then things changed. I started to question my motives for wanting to return; Was I craving the companionship of God or the companionship of my peers? Did I miss my spiritual life, or the life I used to have? Was I religious or just lonely? Was God real to me, or an excuse to have a purpose in life? Was it my own happiness I was seeking or the happiness of my family and friends?
The answers to these questions and the continued tensions between my parents and I because of my indecision led to my determined decision to leave home. I needed to be on my own to really know what I wanted from life, away from the pressure and influence of my family. After months of debating, fighting and creating relationships with new people, I left home. As I packed my things into boxes and loaded them onto a truck, I knew I was making the right decision. I felt free of the weight of everyone else's unhappiness and able to really breathe on my own. It was then that I realized, I had always been who I wanted to be. It was the doctrines and morals surrounding me that forced me to bend who I was to be accepted. Once all of that was lifted, I was able to really embrace the identity I had been hiding for my entire life. After years of questioning my intentions, thoughts, and decisions I finally had grown up enough to know who I was and be courageous enough to accept it despite the consequences. It was then that things became clear, and God was no longer real.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
And it begins...
Oh my...
Well it's happened. I've lived with a geek so long I have somehow become a geek myself. I shouldn't complain, having a geek around the house has its advantages. There's nothing that man can't fix, or rig, or create to amuse me.
Over the past 8 months of living with the geek, I have slowly been exposed to the world that is the online blog and social network. John is always using some new account on some new site, and I am always wondering what the big fuss is all about. The last few months have been insanely busy for me with added responsibility at a growing company, an engagement, and the transition into true adulthood. So, while I was fascinated by the idea of the online world, I could never quite make the time to really dive into it head first, no hesitation. Now, at a very convenient and ironic time, it is the new year and all, I find myself settled into life with free time to explore. So yesterday, on a whim, I decided to create a Viddler account. The concept is one that I find very interesting; a social network of sorts, but with video blogging. That's only my very limited understanding based on 1 day of playing with my account. Needless to say, I am hooked! The Viddler account then prompted me to create a Twitter account. I not only love the word twitter, I love the noise it makes on John's Twitterific application, that little tweet..oh how I love thee. The idea is a great one, if only I had family that spoke to me, but that's a blog for another day. Even with my lack of close family members, Twitter offers a convenient way for me to keep updated with what my friends are up to. So, after joining in on the Viddler and Twitter fun I decided to start a blog, for no other reason than the most important reason, I am a writer.
Yes, it's true. Years and years ago I discovered my love for writing through my love of books. I collect books like they are gold nuggets. If I pass a used book store I HAVE to go in, and likely, I will leave with at least 2 books, more probably 10 books. One of my first large purchases after John and I moved into our house was a bookshelf. A VERY large one, that is now full. I can proudly say that there are only 5 books on my bookshelf I have not read, and that is only because I bought 10 books 2 months ago and have only made it through 5 of them so far. Reading opened up a whole new world of language and story telling for me. By the age of ten I had surpassed Animorphs and The Babysitter's Club, and moved on to Jane Austen, J.D. Salinger, Aldous Huxley, and anything else I could get my hands on. I began writing seriously at the age of 12, pouring out my thoughts about life and daily occurrences into a book I have yet to finish.
That's when it all began, and this is where I am now. After a lot of thought, I realized I was neglecting the one medium of the internet that should have been most important to me. Blogging is just writing on the internet. It seems so obvious, but to someone like me who is forced to think practically and logically all day every day, the most obvious and logical things do sometimes slip through the cracks.
So here I am for all to read, and now that I've sufficiently explained the path that led me here, let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Gabriella Giarrano. I am 20 years old, but not for long, I hit the big 2-1 in a few weeks. I live in a small town right outside of downtown Atlanta, GA called Kirkwood with my fiancee and partner in all that is evil and interesting, John Reynolds. We both have day jobs at a growing company called Breadwinner, (www.getloafed.com) where we make and sell sweet homemade seasonal breads. John and I were working in the actual bakery up until recently. Now he is at the bakery and I am running the shipping and production at our first retail store in Sandy Springs GA. By night, John is an aspiring designer and musician and on the bleeding edge with anything technology related. I am, as I said, an aspiring writer and an experimental artist and sometimes seamstress. John and I have been engaged since 6 weeks after we met, and contrary to what everyone thought, we are still engaged. I am an avid reader of ANYTHING. Hand me a book and I will read it, and most likely hand you a 5 page review of it when I'm done.
Well now that you know a little about me, let me tell you, my style of writing is different than most of what traditional writers would want it to be, but I like it that way. I will write about anything and everything so long as I find it intriguing. I would write about a girl named Jane if it struck my fancy. So keep up with me, and we'll talk about Jane.
Well it's happened. I've lived with a geek so long I have somehow become a geek myself. I shouldn't complain, having a geek around the house has its advantages. There's nothing that man can't fix, or rig, or create to amuse me.
Over the past 8 months of living with the geek, I have slowly been exposed to the world that is the online blog and social network. John is always using some new account on some new site, and I am always wondering what the big fuss is all about. The last few months have been insanely busy for me with added responsibility at a growing company, an engagement, and the transition into true adulthood. So, while I was fascinated by the idea of the online world, I could never quite make the time to really dive into it head first, no hesitation. Now, at a very convenient and ironic time, it is the new year and all, I find myself settled into life with free time to explore. So yesterday, on a whim, I decided to create a Viddler account. The concept is one that I find very interesting; a social network of sorts, but with video blogging. That's only my very limited understanding based on 1 day of playing with my account. Needless to say, I am hooked! The Viddler account then prompted me to create a Twitter account. I not only love the word twitter, I love the noise it makes on John's Twitterific application, that little tweet..oh how I love thee. The idea is a great one, if only I had family that spoke to me, but that's a blog for another day. Even with my lack of close family members, Twitter offers a convenient way for me to keep updated with what my friends are up to. So, after joining in on the Viddler and Twitter fun I decided to start a blog, for no other reason than the most important reason, I am a writer.
Yes, it's true. Years and years ago I discovered my love for writing through my love of books. I collect books like they are gold nuggets. If I pass a used book store I HAVE to go in, and likely, I will leave with at least 2 books, more probably 10 books. One of my first large purchases after John and I moved into our house was a bookshelf. A VERY large one, that is now full. I can proudly say that there are only 5 books on my bookshelf I have not read, and that is only because I bought 10 books 2 months ago and have only made it through 5 of them so far. Reading opened up a whole new world of language and story telling for me. By the age of ten I had surpassed Animorphs and The Babysitter's Club, and moved on to Jane Austen, J.D. Salinger, Aldous Huxley, and anything else I could get my hands on. I began writing seriously at the age of 12, pouring out my thoughts about life and daily occurrences into a book I have yet to finish.
That's when it all began, and this is where I am now. After a lot of thought, I realized I was neglecting the one medium of the internet that should have been most important to me. Blogging is just writing on the internet. It seems so obvious, but to someone like me who is forced to think practically and logically all day every day, the most obvious and logical things do sometimes slip through the cracks.
So here I am for all to read, and now that I've sufficiently explained the path that led me here, let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Gabriella Giarrano. I am 20 years old, but not for long, I hit the big 2-1 in a few weeks. I live in a small town right outside of downtown Atlanta, GA called Kirkwood with my fiancee and partner in all that is evil and interesting, John Reynolds. We both have day jobs at a growing company called Breadwinner, (www.getloafed.com) where we make and sell sweet homemade seasonal breads. John and I were working in the actual bakery up until recently. Now he is at the bakery and I am running the shipping and production at our first retail store in Sandy Springs GA. By night, John is an aspiring designer and musician and on the bleeding edge with anything technology related. I am, as I said, an aspiring writer and an experimental artist and sometimes seamstress. John and I have been engaged since 6 weeks after we met, and contrary to what everyone thought, we are still engaged. I am an avid reader of ANYTHING. Hand me a book and I will read it, and most likely hand you a 5 page review of it when I'm done.
Well now that you know a little about me, let me tell you, my style of writing is different than most of what traditional writers would want it to be, but I like it that way. I will write about anything and everything so long as I find it intriguing. I would write about a girl named Jane if it struck my fancy. So keep up with me, and we'll talk about Jane.
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